The summer holidays are a wonderful time to relax and enjoy a break from the usual school routine. Days might be filled with playing in the garden, trips to the seaside, family holidays and later bedtimes, with no alarm clock in sight!
It’s no surprise, then, that going back to school after the summer holidays (or even after a shorter school break) can feel daunting for some children.
As the first day approaches, worries can begin to build. Your child might become more emotional, have difficulty sleeping, complain of feeling unwell or suddenly say they don’t want to go back to school.
Some children may simply have a few back-to-school nerves. Others may experience much stronger anxiety.
The good news is that there are lots of things parents can do to help children understand their worries, feel more prepared and gradually rebuild their confidence.
Here are some practical strategies you can try.
Validate Your Child's Feelings
The first step is to let your child know that it’s okay to feel anxious.
Rather than dismissing their worries with: “You’ll be fine,” try acknowledging how they’re feeling. You could say:
“I can understand why you’re feeling nervous. Lots of children feel this way before going back to school.”
This doesn’t make the anxiety bigger. Instead, it helps your child feel heard and understood.
You could also share a time when you’ve experienced similar feelings, such as returning to work after a holiday or starting something new.
The message you’re giving them is: Feeling anxious doesn’t mean something is wrong. It’s a normal response to something that feels uncertain or difficult.
Explore What's Making Them Anxious
Once your child feels listened to, gently encourage them to talk about what’s actually worrying them.
Some children will tell you straight away, others may need time and gentle prompts.
You could ask:
- “What are you thinking about the most?”
- “Is there anything you’re worried might happen?”
- “What feels hardest about going back?”
- “Is there anything you’re looking forward to?”
- “If you could change one thing about going back to school, what would it be?”
Try not to rush to solve the problem immediately.
Understanding what is underneath the anxiety is often the most important first step.
Your child’s worry might be about homework, friendships, a particular lesson, a teacher, getting things wrong, being away from home or simply having to cope with the school environment again.
Once you understand the worry, you can start thinking together about what might help.
Help Your Child Separate Worries From Facts
Anxiety can make possibilities feel like certainties.
A child might think: “Everyone will ignore me,” or: “I’m definitely going to get something wrong.”
Gently explore these thoughts together.
You could ask:
- “What makes you think that might happen?”
- “Has anything like that happened before?”
- “Is there anything that suggests it might be different this time?”
- “What could you do if it did happen?”
The aim isn’t to tell your child that their worry is silly.
It’s to help them recognise that a worry is a thought, not necessarily a prediction of what will happen.
Gradually Re-establish School Routines
One of the best things about the holidays is having a more relaxed routine!
But as the new term approaches, gradually returning to school routines can make the transition easier.
A few days before school starts, begin moving towards:
- More regular bedtimes and wake-up times
- Regular mealtimes
- Reduced late-night screen time
- Getting clothes and school equipment ready
- A more predictable daily routine
There’s no need to change everything overnight.
A gradual transition can help your child’s body and brain adjust before the first morning back.
Good sleep, regular meals and predictable routines can all support emotional wellbeing.
Create a Back-to-School Coping Toolkit
One strategy we use at Emotionally Healthy Minds is helping children create a Coping Toolkit.
This is a personalised collection of strategies and practical plans that a child can use when anxiety starts to build.
The important thing is to create it when your child is calm, rather than trying to think of strategies in the middle of an anxious moment.
A coping toolkit usually includes three key elements:
1. Calming Strategies
When anxiety increases, children need simple ways to help their bodies feel calmer.
Depending on the child, these might include:
- Slow breathing
- Grounding exercises
- Squeezing a stress ball
- Listening to calming music
- Gentle movement
- Stretching
- Swaying or rocking
- Taking some quiet time
One simple grounding exercise is to notice:
5 things you can see
4 things you can hear
3 things you can feel
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
Different strategies work for different children, so help your child discover what works for them rather than expecting one technique to work for everyone.
2. Positive Self-Talk
The way we talk to ourselves can influence how we feel.
Encourage your child to practise a few reassuring phrases they can use when anxiety appears.
For example:
- I’ve done this before and I can do it again.
- I’ll take one day at a time.
- It’s okay to feel nervous.
- This feeling won’t last forever.
- I can ask for help if I need it.
- I don’t have to get everything right.
Practising these phrases when your child is calm makes them easier to remember when anxiety starts to rise.
3. Practical Plans
Sometimes the simplest way to reduce anxiety is to make a plan.
For example, your child could:
- Walk into school with a friend
- Arrange to meet someone at the school gate
- Speak to a trusted member of staff when they arrive
- Pack their school bag the night before
- Prepare their uniform in advance
- Plan something enjoyable to do after school on the first day back
Knowing what they will do if they feel anxious can give children a greater sense of control.
Remind Your Child of Previous Successes
When children feel anxious, they can sometimes forget all the times they’ve successfully managed difficult situations before. Help them remember.
You could ask:
“How did you feel before going back to school last year?”
“What happened after the first few days?”
“Can you remember another time you were really worried, but things turned out okay?”
Reminding children of previous successes can help them recognise that they have already developed skills for coping with difficult situations. They may still feel nervous next time, but they can also know: “I’ve felt like this before, and I got through it.”
That is an important foundation for resilience.
Give Them Something to Look Forward To
When anxiety is focused entirely on the return to school, it can help to create something positive to look forward to.
This could be as simple as:
- Seeing a particular friend
- Returning to a favourite club
- A favourite subject
- A family activity after the first day
- Having their favourite meal for dinner
- Planning something enjoyable for the weekend
This isn’t about pretending school anxiety doesn’t exist.
It’s about helping your child see that returning to school isn’t only about the things they’re worried about.
There can be positive experiences too.
What If Your Child's Anxiety Is More Than Just Back-to-School Nerves?
Some nervousness about returning to school is completely normal.
However, if your child’s anxiety is becoming intense or persistent, it’s worth paying attention to the signs.
You might notice:
- Frequent stomach aches or headaches
- Difficulty sleeping
- Increased tearfulness or irritability
- Significant changes in behaviour
- Avoidance of conversations about school
- Refusing to prepare for school
- Increasingly frequent requests to stay at home
- Panic or intense distress around going to school
- A significant drop in confidence
- Difficulties attending school
These signs don’t necessarily mean that your child has a mental health condition. But they can indicate that something about school is becoming difficult for them to manage.
If you’re concerned, talk to your child’s school and seek appropriate support.
Understanding the reason behind the anxiety is often more helpful than simply focusing on getting the child through the school gate.
Don't Try to Remove Every Worry
As parents, our instinct is often to protect our children from anything that makes them uncomfortable.
That’s completely natural.
But we can’t remove every difficult feeling from our children’s lives—and we don’t need to.
Instead, we can help them learn:
“I can feel worried and still cope.”
“I can ask for help when I need it.”
“I don’t have to know exactly what will happen.”
“I can try something difficult and learn from the experience.”
Each time a child experiences a challenge, uses a coping strategy and discovers that they can get through it, they are building confidence in their own ability to cope.
Helping Your Child Feel Ready to Return to School
Going back to school after the holidays can be difficult for some children, particularly if they already experience anxiety, low confidence, SEND or other barriers to learning.
The aim isn’t necessarily to make anxiety disappear completely.
It’s to help children understand their feelings, develop strategies for managing them and feel confident that they have people around them who will help when things become difficult.
With preparation, patience and reassurance, many children gradually settle back into their school routines.
And remember: your child doesn’t need to feel completely confident before they return.
Sometimes confidence comes after we’ve taken the first step.
Is Your Child Struggling With School Anxiety?
If your child’s anxiety about returning to school is persistent, overwhelming or beginning to affect attendance, learning or family life, you don’t have to work it out alone.
At Emotionally Healthy Minds, we support children and young people experiencing anxiety, low confidence, emotional regulation difficulties, SEND and emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA).
Through emotion coaching, counselling and emotionally informed tutoring, we help children understand their emotions, develop coping strategies and rebuild confidence in learning.
If you’re concerned about your child’s emotional wellbeing or school attendance, get in touch for an informal conversation. We’ll take the time to understand what’s happening and explore what support may be appropriate.
